Tired

S w i t c h i n g M a k e s M e T i r e d !!

I am so freaking sick of having to deal with junk that needs healing!!! You know that being silent is probably a good thing in my situation.

So here's the deal. It's been a rough few days but I am breathing still. I have had difficulty with my inside ones especially a couple of them. I am sick of drinking but am afraid of the 12 steps. Missy, one of my people, insists on her own partying ways and going against authority and no matter the cost. Uncontrollable it seems. That
is it for now.

I am sick of living! Perhaps I will now die.....

"life is hard...then you die" This is a statement my dad made so many times growing up and still does unfortunately. It stinks!! How can you even want to grow up if thats the case anyway?! Tonight, I'd rather not be an adult at all. Too much responsibility...its too hard! I would rather just "play" all day and be carefree and wild.

The mystery of the mind

I am amazed at the fact that my mind has had the ability to dissassociate in the middle of some of the most difficult times. It might could be looked at as a gift of sorts. A way to cope and survive. Now, that gift is in need of being exchanged for a more perfect gift....living in joy. Living in such a way to enjoy without being afraid of what lies ahead. God has promised me to turn me out right and turn me around and no matter how long it takes....His timing is perfect. He is in no hurry although I may be at times. So as I go on to face whatever pain or memory or whatever I have to face, may I never forget His word to me. A promise to be WHOLE!

Pain. Life is full of pain but if we do not face the pain and run away, we will never learn how to live beyond it.  Joy lies at the end of the journey into wholeness for me. Only in Jesus will my hope be found to know true wholeness!