boundaries...

When are boundaries ok ?? Does the holidays cause me to adjust my boundaries?? How hard is it really to just say "NO"? Or do I just give in because it is so much easier to? Christmas is still a very difficult to enjoy because of these questions. I hope someday I can enjoy what God meant me to enjoy instead of worrying about pleasing everybody else. These are just a few of my thoughts today.

DRIVING EMOTION



What has driven me is emotions

Lashing out its painful blows

Sadness fills up

Mourning spills out

Anger turns inward

Rage explodes outward

Fear imprisons the heart

Confusion subdues the mind

Hatred fills the cracks as

Bitterness builds the wall

Despair digs a deep hole as

Depression buries me there.



2/5/07 cjh

LOST IN A CROWD

Lost in a crowd
Will I be found?
I whisper and sigh
Trying not to cry, but
I'm lost in a crowd
I just dont know how
What to really do
Being lost in a crowd
I'm lost in a crowd
Invisible for all not
To see the real me
So I'm crying out
"I'm lost
I'm lost
I'm lost within a crowd
I'm lost within a crowd."
Can someone ever
Find me out?

6/30/08 cjh

EMANCIATED



I am
On the verge of starvation
Emanciated to the core
I cry out for care
But I find none there.

I feel
The sting of pain across
The lack of air in place
I cry out, I cry out
I cry out for embrace.

cjh

1 vs. 36

Question by question
I must face the gang
Memory by memory
Will the pain ever fade?
Question I question
Each one in the gang
As time goes by
Will my fate ever change?
1 vs. 36
Is it a game or
Is it just haze?
Question by question
The stakes ever building
Am I alone, is this unending?

CJH 2/7/08

Raging Battle

A battle raging inside my soul

The sound of "many voices" vying for control

Oh, but there is but "One" inside my soul

Whose voice should cry over all my foes.
Oct. '01

JOURNEY INTO WHOLENESS

Many years ago I began writing just for fun then as I came into my forties, God began to open
up my wounded heart and began calling me to become WHOLE. You see, I have been diagnosed
with D.I.D. (dissociative identity disorder ) about three years ago. Throughout the last few years,
my writing has mirrored where I am in this journey of mine. Although some of the poems and free
verse writing can come across dark and depressing I feel as if I would not be being completely
transparent without including them. They are a part of my journey as well as the positive and
uplifting writings. Feel free to comment on them if you wish. There are some that could be
"triggering" so I will mark those that are so before you read them.

my wonderful children